Teenagers

I was having lunch with Amir at Jibril. Apparently, the underground restaurant was not packed for a Monday lunch hour. There were some crowd hogging our space but we were still able to breathe while exchanging drinks and stories. Amir was determined to order the Couple Set because the last time we went there was during our first date. I told him to order the Single Set because it's cheaper and he jokingly said, "Yeah, I know, because we're not a couple yet, right?". Good times. Time is still good as long as he is still around with his fluffy hair after washing them that are at his neck's length. It doesn't mean that I won't love him if he's bald, but......can you not distract me from the purpose of this conversation, please?

We were casually talking while struggling to finish each other's portions on our plates. We came across a topic on how he draws the line by not lashing out to his mother. When he stopped there, I could not finish chewing and I felt guilty. I am used to lash out at my mom when she is shouting at me unnecessarily, but I am trying so hard to ignore her whenever she does that as I get older. Since Amir is around, my mom would always use Amir as a bait whenever she thinks I'm disrespectful when I think I'm not because that is how I talk to people in general. She will go, "Nanti kalau Amir dengar, Amir suka ke?" "Kalau Amir ada dekat sini, dia suka tak?"

My mom was right. He doesn't.

I confessed to him on how I am still struggling on my anger management. He kept quiet, he listened but he didn't judge. He never does. He gave me an emphatic look, trying to understand what was in my head. Probably he did, but he still listened anyways while slowly caressing my cheeks. That is the comfort of talking to Amir.  I may have done shitload tons of things before and in the present but he always wants to understand from my point of view.  He is like my safe haven that I can be vulnerable with.

I think the prominent reason on why he chose to take a step back instead of starting a four-hour lecture on manners with me instead is because I am a teenager. Not saying that teenagers have the excuse to be rude, but mainly because we don't really realise how we act sometimes. He is an adult, been through the phases that I am going through hence that was how he understood. Maybe, that was why he was so calm whenever I tell him my teen tales, because he has gone through the same thing and probably had reacted the same. He always tells me that he wants to protect me from the things that he has seen in this world, but attacking or verbally lashing out at me were never his options when he wants to teach and tell me that I am wrong, or I was wrong before.

After lunch, we went straight to the bus stop at the LRT station because Amir needed to head straight back to work. I looked at him while he was looking through his phone, feeling grateful. The littlest things that we found on our discoveries of each other along the way makes me appreciate him more and more each day.

Xx,
M.