Mood Swings

psychologists say that if you're
experiencing mood swings for
no reason
it means that you're
missing
somebody,
but i am nobody
to you.

i am not upset
that you're gone,
i am way past that
but i am afraid
of you being around;
it seems like my past
is breathing down
my neck and
reminding me
about the extra baggage
that i carry behind my
back
tearing up my eyes
and slitting my throat,
leaving me with no words
but to let you
come again.

but then,
that is how you will be.
you will only come
but you will never stay,
i no longer see a point of waiting
but my heart still is the
dumb teen that reads chic lit
that thinks that this is another story
that will have a happy ending

but she forgets that
she can have her happy endings
with someone else
another man that will make every
decorations in her house
lighted scented candles in her rooms
polaroids in her file
baggy T-shirts that she uses to sleep

worth it.

i hope that my heart now understands
that you are not that man,
and my head too, knows that.