Friday, 10 November 2017

Kosong

02:33:00
"Leen, do you want to know my biggest fear of leaving this place?" , Ell said while we were pointlessly hanging around the balcony, with the wind gently blowing our faces. I swear it looked like a Hindustan movie where Shah Rukh Khan was having a deep talk with his best friend, Hitrik Roshan.

"What is it?"

"To be emotionless again. Rasa kosong."

"You live when you feel", I said. "You don't live when you don't feel."

"That is the problem", Ell said. "At least I know that I'm living. I can encounter my depressions when I feel these kinds of emotions."

I looked at her. "Ell, we're the opposite. I can't wait to leave because I can't wait to feel the emptiness again".

"What do you mean?"

"I feel a lot here, and I am easily depressed, I don't know how to handle my sadness, my frustrations healthily. There is so much going on and I tell you, if this happens outside, I might as well not care."

"But how can you learn to handle them when you don't feel?"

"It is better to be numb that to feel everything and be self-destructive. I might as well not feel"


Tuesday, 7 November 2017

Salam Batch

23:41:00
Before SPM, we had a salam batch where everyone will seek forgiveness from each other. I salam-ed everyone until I reached Addie. She hugged me tight and whispered to me,

                  " Maleen, I wish you a successful love life and soar your dreams high okay!"

I laughed and sobbed at the same time, even creepier than Hael Husaini.