Thursday, 22 December 2016

Sunday, 18 December 2016


You may be indulging into your K-Dramas for entertainment in a personal ward that you have all to yourself,but deep down we're both constantly looking at the time counting how many hours left to the scariest war in record that you will face as a soldier,alone.My life is always full of 'I wish'es but it keeps thumping harder and harder in my heart as the clock tickes.

I wish that  I messaged you just to know that you're okay.
I wish that  I visit you as often as I should.
I wish that  I take more pictures with you since you're not a camera shy anymore.
I wish that  I am present at your worst.
I wish that  I appreciated you more than ever because you're the only friend that doesn't leave me after primary school and takes me for who I am-naiive.

I wish 
I wish 
and I wish.

I begged to God to not take my one pill of happiness away,nor her own happiness.Only you and Him knew the big lump of pain that you carry behind your back secretly from everyone else,and only He can ease and vanish them all.You brought happiness to me,and I have faith that He will grant you more than you give.

Erase all your worries and confusions because He is the best planner and He looks and cares for all the sufferings that you have been through.This may be cliche but the only reason why He tests His servants is because He loves them.He loves you very much.I,and We,love you very much.

Remember,you're bent but not broken.

You're a very strong fighter and I'm proud to have a warrior as my best friend.

Cheers to life,we'll get through this all.


(this is the only picture that we have together up to date.& this is freaking four years ago.don't judge.)

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Writer Goes Worldwide

A few weeks ago, I got a notification on my Twitter account stating that someone followed me.It wasn't someone,but something.It's an official account of a magazine called The Affinity Magazine.A little stalking has been done and they even have a tick beside their names to ensure that they're the only official account.I was like,homagad they must be a famous magazine if Twitter was hands down on verifying them.

The Affinity Magazine is a teen magazine that was written by a range of teen writers for the peers.It has a lot of topics to talk about from serious politics to entertainment and real life issues,woah all of the articles are brilliantly written.The application to become a writer is all-year round so I just gave it a shot.I sent in one of my blog posts which is my report on Sarawak Cultural Village during my visit to Sarawak last year.Yes,no jokes were erased and absolutely nothing was changed.I just copied all my goofiness and pasted it at the sample writing column.Aye that can't be good because no writers in there joke around and I totally lost hope and flatlayed myself on the floor,gratefully no one thought that I'm a fat fur rug.

I checked my email everyday as it is my daily routine for updates/invitations/etc until one day,there's an email in the inbox titled 'Open This Quick!' from Evelyn V.Woodsen and I read it carefully to check if it's a scam or whatever cyberbullying and cybersafety is all about.

We really enjoyed looking over your application and reading your writing samples. The Affinity team was impressed with your style of writing and approach and would love to formally offer you a position as a staff writer. '

That was the day that I finally thought that I can rest in peace.

I got the job guys! I am a real writer for a magazine!Woohoohoo! *dances like how i dance to 24K Magic*

but this job doesn't come easy.When I say that I'm a real writer,I AM A REAL WRITER.I have to write an article once a week and submit it for the editors to review,learn to put credentials and cites on sources that doesn't come from myself especially photos and not all of my articles will be accepted.I may get rejected and turned down.In fact,I am waiting for the review of my first ever article for Affinity whether it is approved or not to be published.The scare is real.I rather be in a haunted house.Wait,nope.No haunted houses.Never.

I see all of these in the bright side,of course.The editorial board wants me to be commited to my job,be alarmed with the news happening around me and make some space for myself to grow and improve my writing to become a better writer/journalists because most of the writers here will go off and work for high end companies like The Huffington Post and MTV and obviously I would like to have the honour to be the first hijabi hosting the worldwide MTV show,who knows aite?A world without boundaries.

Given the space and time,I would like to thank everyone that has been supporting me from Day 1 throughout my journey in writing from building up my passion to getting a place in an international online teen magazine team of writers.I love all of you that has been kind to me.You are never forgotten.

Taking a deep breathe and let's hope that everything will work out just fine.


Thursday, 8 December 2016


you hate poems.
maybe that's why i write a lot.
i don't want you to read a
dozen stanzas that means
'i miss you' .
-nevertheless you still
support me
and reading you say
'i'm proud of you' from
a smartphone makes me
a smiling emoji
(before you said the exact same
phrase to someone else)
now here's an angry cat with fangs.

you once told me
to move on
and put everything behind
to write fresher pieces
in order to relate them with
the audience
but i decided to be a rebel
because i don't want to forget you.
ah,you are used to this.
'such a brat'.

this distance is a silent killer.
i get to meet my parents once
a week but not my number three.
once a year is only by chance.
it's hard to be alive
but i survived with your attitude
and a miserable mind
this one ain't a freeshow,
it's too horrifying.

as i grow up,
i focus too much
on the italics
but lost it at
the bold.

how should i know?
you make fun of
serious matters
but took no chill
on jokes.

a gentle reminder;
i am always your
little girl that you
see on stage with a
bee costume
that turns around when
you call her 'Dear'
and asks you stupid
questions while you're
reading manga online
in your free slots
but still doesn't know
how to cut her own
slice of pizza.

-and if you really
do wait for me,
have some rest.

i'll always come back.

Tuesday, 6 December 2016