Wednesday 13 May 2020

Rizq

21:16:00
there is a weapon 
that i keep inside my pocket
poked into the strands of my hair bun
folded under my sleeves as i roll them up
it fights with me in every battle
it makes me win 
it will,
finally make me win

but the defeats towards the victory
makes me forget about the armour in my hands
the wings that soared me
the miracles that makes me heal
i blamed the Creator after thinking
i was tireless begging for help
to survive
but He gave me the shield for life
going through challenges and surviving
one
by
one

“Allah is the gifter of rizq. He tests you, but he also gives you a form of rizq to survive all of it through”
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Why Do I Still Write

21:15:00
It’s insane
the juggle of jargons
the manic grammar & punctuation
because modern day poetry
is all about aesthetics and grunge-ness
the crazy choices of words from
the dictionary that angsty 14-year-old
teenagers would use to “express themselves”
but here i am, 
still writing,
it’s addictive.

It’s self-escapism through metaphors.
a damsel in distress,
(sigh, always playing victim)
“the world stops for a while”
when it keeps on moving while i prefer
to be trapped in this non-existent time machine
it’s wishing upon a dry well,
all the fantasies that you won’t get.

but still,
it is comforting.
it does not hug you 
nor wipe your tears that fell
on the paper
but it lets you escape into 
that insane world whenever you
revisit the page 
hallucinating, if you ask me
but at least i know there
is another world that i’m safe to be in.
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Routine

21:14:00
I wake  up to the shift of the bedsheet 
as my mom scrolls through messages 
on her tablet
I open my eyes again,
her blanket is neatly folded
and the sun screams his rays at me
through the peeking curtain
standing straight on top of my roof
oops, it is now 12.

I was about to lie down again but my tummy keeps on bugging my mouth to open and my teeth to chew 
so I walked down the stairs and searched for any brunch ideals on the dining table.
I can hear the sewing machine hustling her nine to five day job accompanied by 
laughter, arguments and tears
basically,
a K-drama plot.

I came down again when my mom calls for lunch,
finally showered and dressed in my T-shirt and shorts
One plate is enough to doze me again,
this time when I wake up it might by four,
it might be six,
but
the long naps won’t budge my love affair with my sleeping schedule
now that’s what we call loyalty.

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Rachel's P.O.V.

21:14:00
He is never someone else to me.
He is not a foreign soul,
he resides in the neighbourhood of my heart for years
my mother loves him 
and he joins every family gathering
We shared the Big Apple;
the sunsets in Manhattan overviewed
by tall, glass skyscrapers.

I never see him any different
from classrooms to ballrooms
first class flights to private jets
intimate drinks at the bar to 
lavish family parties 
the comparisons are outnumbered
by my long live adoration

Why do everyone has to tell that we are different
the Lion City is not even a lion 
and there is nothing wrong with that,
why would our upbringings
and last names matter when 
just like any other people
our love is just..
“love”.
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Lazy Day

21:13:00
my head feels very heavy
stacks of pillow cannot
soften it out
random shows on 
TV
i watch whatever that
is played 
wait...
wasn’t that series has 
been aired a few 
months back?
man..give back my money.

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Clingy

21:12:00
i hope that you still dance 
with my shadow
toe to toe
arms on her hips
forehead bumping into your nose
lips to kiss

please don’t get angry
when she holds your hand through
every step at the empty sidewalk
don’t be too startled when she hugs you
from the back as you were looking
at ancient exhibits in museums
restrain yourself from puking when she baby talks 
hold yourself back from getting mad at her when she sulks 

you see, 
she was left to walk alone so many times 
she memorises the trail where she picked up the debris of her heart
she stares off into history and wonder why her melancholic past has to be a part of hers
her skin was never touched with tenderness
her voice was never heard 

when you came into her life,
she finally knew the feeling of having company,
and to accompany someone.

I know you don’t like it,
but if you don’t mind me 
asking one last favour, 
please let her have that one dance.
make her have the last laugh
one touch;
a long, warm hug, 
or if you think that is too much, just let her hold your hand tight,
very tight
for one more night.

please let her,
because it is enough for her 
to remember
and for me 
to live with. 








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H.I.M.

21:09:00
how 
could 
you?

i was between shying away and drowning myself
in the seven seas
concealing invisible bruises that nearly
made me throw stones to
 the mirror into shatters
as i cut myself from putting my
heart together 

i understand why you had to break mine
because you never had any. 

you brought me closer to God
but it was you that i was worshipping
i was on my knees for you in front of Him,
no wonder He would give you 
such arrogance
to come with mercy
and never leave 
without leaving another scar
on me.

i thought that-
screw my thoughts 
when the truth is shoved right my face
like 
the memories that you keep rewinding
just to keep me leashed beside your throne
but 
God is more than a capital H.I.M.
just as He gave me the love 
and give you the power
He took away the love 
hence demolishing all your powers

all that is left is blazing flames
that burns all of you
and 
returns back all of me.



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