I have never expected this to happen to me after all the throw ups that I get after being lovesick. Ceh.

Disclaimer : For maximum emotional effect, read this post while listening to Perahu Kertas by Maudy Ayunda. 

I purposely left the draft that I made two days before my life changed 360 degrees faster than any observation deck at the high towers in the world. I didn't get to continue it due to time constraints, but I am actually glad that I didn't, because I will have more exciting moments for me to write and remember!

An introduction; I met a guy, he is my classmate. I noticed him on the first day of College Study Skills class as we had to group up and he was wearing a Harimau Malaya jersey. I thought that, ah, finally, a Malay guy that won't make me an outskirt! Yay!

He invited me to the group discussion the next evening as we had to plan out our answers for the questions given in class. When he came up to me, the girls at the back were cheering for no reason. Thea hit me at my arm and teased me, "Waah, a date for the start of college!". I think everyone could read my face that time. Chill, woman. It was just a group discussion. 

To be honest, I was glad to be able to sit down on a table with him and some other new classmates. I could listen to his stories, thoughts, opinions, and get to know him better since we were new. He was ambitious and an interesting person with his transparency but that doesn't make him vulnerable either. He is a window to me, you can see what is on the inside but you can't easily get in, you need to open the locks. That is him, I have to find the keys to more of his thoughts.

Oh, another spoiler, he is not a Malay, he is a native Sarawakian, and he is triggered by people stereotyping him as such. It is 2018, you can no longer assume.

I developed some feelings for him but I let it slide because I was still in the phase of getting to know another person too, and I thought that I was just thinking that he is interesting and we could click, not more than that.

Back in April, we celebrated Audra's birthday at the Green Box at The Gardens. As it ended, all of them wanted to go to 1Utama and watch a movie, but I refused since my mom didn't allow me to go that far yet at that time. He went on to take the train with me, and that was the first time we were left alone. Being the curious me that is not afraid to express my thoughts when I am already close to the person, I told him a lot of things and even asked him, "What does a church do? Do you pray there?", such a noob, I know but hey, I asked for permission before asking that.

A semester later, I came in and out of feelings for him because I know that this is going nowhere. After two people that left me, I started to deter my interest in looking for 'the one' because maybe the one is no one. Sounds scary, right? I know, but that was what I feel.

A Monday after class, we went to Rock Cafe because I knew that he wanted to eat satay for two weeks, and it has been long since I eat hawker food. I let him drive because I am so bad at finding parking and driving at crowded streets, and he was a good one. Plus points.

We went with a friend, and as she left two hours later, we talked about many topics; his ambitions of being a lawyer and more. We went to a short silence because we went out of things to say.

"Maleen, Can I ask you a question?", he said to break the air.

I was shocked because we were so close and he doesn't need to ask for my permission to talk about something to me before. I said,"yes?" anyway.

"Do you have anybody particular in mind?"

God, of course I would say no! There was no way that I would tell in his face that I like him!

"Eh, why should I tell you?"

"Because I like you"

My head that was looking away from him straight away looked back. My heart dropped on the floor.  I was speechless.

And....The rest is history.

Kenyalang, I am in love.

Three weeks later and I found this in my draft. I should just publish it....or not?

Good lord, I should just click the orange button.

Done.

Xx,
M.

I personally think that everyone does not get my feelings, or I am the one who is communication disabled because I cannot say it properly eye-to-eye. I am so bad at expressing my emotions physically, hence this blog. The readers here are definitely humans (unless some of you train your cats how to read), but I believe that people do transform themselves when they read instead of listening; when they listen, they become someone else overseeing the situation as how they will see it, but when they read, they will read it as you. They will eventually feel the same way too.