My senior,Arisha Rozaidee just released her second book,Sandpaper Heart and I was very excited to wash her with a lot of questions since Sandpaper Heart was self-published.I asked her about the cost,which place to get it published and such.She said I need a large amount of starting fund which is around 1-2K.She said at least I can earn all the copyrights for myself but if I publish it at a publishing house,I don't need to spend a single cent on it.Gosh,I'm confused.

Submitting my manuscript to a publishing house is very uncertain.I may be welcomed with open hands or rejected without any doubt,just like how my short story is rejected by Lejen Press by only saying TIDAK.Yes,with capital letters.If I publish it myself,I have to sort everything by myself and it's also uncertain whether everyone will get the word or not about my book.

For now,I am thinking on how and how and how to just make ends meet to earn 1-2K before the end of this year and....I still don't have a plan.What should I do?I really want my book to published so bad to change my life towards the better.You know how money is scarce right now.

So for those who would like to share some ideas to make this work or would like to donate some funds for my new book,do DM me on Twitter @maleenbalqish or e-mail me at merlinprettywizard@gmail.com .

Oh,don't forget to get Arisha Rozaidee's new book,Sandpaper Heart just by mentioning her on Twitter @ArishaRozaidee and do so!

Xx(but truly worried),
M.

                                   *Determined to work on +Maths*

                                         5 minutes later.......

                                   "Hell yeah I'm done" *leave questions hanging,burns all books*

   Have you ever been in this situation?Well,that's what I'm hectically facing now.As much as I want to stay focused and really really work hard since my Physics suck and suddenly FIRST TERM TEST POPS OUT OF NOWHERE ALTHOUGH THE ADMINS PROMISED ONLY FOR MID TERM AND END YEAR TESTS AND TOPICAL TESTS AFTER A TOPIC AND ANOTHER WHY COLLEGE WHY *burns college with the books* That's what people are,giving false hopes.AND IT'S APPROXIMATELY IN TWO WEEKS TIME OMG I WANT TO BURN MYSELF INTO ASHES TOO DON'T EVEN TRY TO CALL THE FIREMEN because I'll run first seeing the flames 😕

   I want to slay this,you know,like,what else can I do here anyway?They don't recognize my writing talent so they don't take me to competitions so that's all I have left to do.Also,writing in my position now doesn't feed me and my mom would be prouder in me slaying the report cards than winning poetry writings and making a place in compilation books.Sheesh.Besides,this is the only way I get to go and do my A-Levels and completing my whole Uni life in a library,deeply understanding/memorizing history theories and digesting books in Cambridge.Well,firstly because doing A-Levels here needs a lot of fund and a waste of time too.Haih.Typical Malaysian who wants to study abroad problems.

   Anyway,don't follow this complicated habit of mine,ok?You already have the chance to study,so study well,not striving to be an Instafamous or Hipsterism(well that's how my friends address it).If you're a good student and have great talents,sooner or later people will recognize you,if not in your examination results day,then maybe for what you're good at and the feeling is outmostly the best.Most importantly,keep in mind that you're not goaling this on your own.There are people who are relying on you to change the family,neighbourhood,society and as future leaders of the country.Do it for them.Believe and keep praying to God too,as He is full of miracles.

    Ok gotta clean up all the mess I did for burning everything just now,ciao!

Xx,
M. 😎(nerdy+cool me)

I'm taking the love-is-in-the-air-mood since it's Valentine's Day in 2 days time and I'm really excited for awesome TV shows that will be on air starting tomorrow.Some of you may be sceptical of Valentine's Day since Muslims are forbidden to celebrate and what not,but in my own perspective,Valentine's Day is a special day where you rejuvenate your love with your partners/embrace the love feeling if you're forever alone like me.Of course you have to appreciate your partner everyday without thinking when is the next Valentine,but somehow,you need a special date and occasion just to give both of you a reminder on what your relationship is about,love!Just like how you celebrate your birthday,Mother's Day,Father's Day,National Day,Teacher's Day and especially school holidays hehe.Me?Nah,I'm chilling on the couch of course! (asleep 5 minutes after).

I've been addicted to Taylor Swift's Out Of The Woods lately especially after watching the music video and her performance at the Grammy Museum.Other than this song is about her relationship with Harry Styles,her speech before her performance really touched me on how everyone including her hoping for a solid and healthy relationship but that's not always what you get,but that doesn't mean that you  take those short-term,fragile relationship not meaningful and a waste of your time.Make memories and experiences out of everything,I believe.

Experience-wise,I have only been in a serious relationship once and it lasted for a year and a couple of months,I suppose.What deterred our relationship was his possesive behaviour towards me and a few more habits that I could not accept,like shouting at me if I talked to his friends but I never cared if he talked to mine,commenting suspicious flirty comments on social media and honestly,he wasn't the type of person that you would have a discussion about World Wars and what's happening in Myanmar while walking to the cinema.In easy words,I can't talk about everything with him.He may be my lover(which is not even successful enough to be one) but he can't be my friend.I have taught of breaking up since a few months before I said so due to social pressure on how our friends would look up to us for having a solid relationship for a long period but the person who was in the relationship was me and I was not happy.I had to grow out of it.

I have to admit that I grew out of the relationship out of hate and the psychotic things that girls would do to really erase him out my life like cutting our polaroids to small pieces and threw the watch that he gave me to the drain but it couldn't function anyway so I was less guilty doing so.Haha.But after listening to Taylor Swift made me realize that I shouldn't look at the bad side of the relationship and cherish the good ones,on how his unacceptable behaviour made me a strong person like what I had become today and being extra careful of accepting people into my life since I met him from Facebook,so,hm you know what I mean.Strangers,danger,sort of thing.

I'm not the type of person who believes in puppy love and mingle around until my teacher asked me, "Are you lesbian or something?" and started to push me to go speed dating again because he still thinks that I'm lame for not doing so but hey,love is not something you gamble.It's very valuable like pearls,due to effort to get it out from mama oyster and also currency if you buy it from other countries,kidding.But hey,pearls in China are quite cheap!

Back to the topic,for those who have experience heartbreaks too,believe me,if things are not getting better,it won't get worse.Forgive and forget,start life all over again.Most importantly,think twice before jumping into one and getting out of one relationship.Seek help and support from your friends and family but if they can't understand you,just remember that I am always here and will be all ears for you.Any of you.Well,you know how to reach me.

Lastly,we may love and fall,but don't forget to stand back up.You're one strong lady/gentleman so prove to the world that one negative vibe is not taking all of you away.

Xx,
M.

I have been eager to help out in voluntary works because I think it's cool and eye opening,and now I can surely say it is because I finally did it!!! Kudos to me!

Huh what?It's February already?Prosperity Burger is out?Uh I really should reconnect with the outside world rather than keeping myself busy with an Everest of homeworks.But its a theraphy though,just to ensure that I am not stressed out of unimportant and private matters at the back of my palm.

I've not been absolutely great but you can assume that I am stable and able.It's also The Year of The Monkey,but I'm not really looking forward to it since I was born in the Year of The Dragon.All I want for New Year is red ang paus and sweet mandarin oranges.Oh my diet.

Great news,I just recently won Consolation Prize for ASEAN Youth Contest for essay writing.All I need when I really need cash,but to think of it,WHEN WILL I EVER DON'T NEED CASH?The problem of mine 101 is I am actually a shopaholic but everything doesn't look good in stores when my eallet is empty.I hope this situation changes when I receive endless royalties from my books,which I also don't know when will it ever be in the market.Speaking about my writing career,I sent a few scraps of my favourites to If Walls Could Talk to be inserted in their first KL Spoken Word Anthology edited by the famous Melizarani T Selva and published by Sang Freud Press.I really hope that this will break even better than HundredHundred last time,and making a place for my seat in the industry.If you're wondering why I haven't been posting my works lately,it's because I'm compiling all poems that I have in a file and it'll be a spoiler if my book comes out and you have read literally all of them.Let it be a gift from me to all of you hehe.

I'll also be covering a Travelgasm for Sunway Lagoon's new attraction,Nickelodeon Lost Lagoon during Chinese New Year!What's up with the new theme park?I'm also eager to find out!

Ok I need to read Biology for a test tomorrow.Ugh please end my college years fast 😭

Xx,
M.