i don't know why did i fall in love with you,
i honestly don't.
from ten months
counting to five
moments with you are
relatively indefinite,
well,
i have always been bad at Maths.

i am not sure on what was it but,
does anyone ever tell you that
your eyes are the reflection of
your heart,
maybe that is why you cannot lie.
the way it compassionately look
at me when i tell you my endless stories,
the soft gaze that it give
when i dress up that you can't afford
to look away
it is an escapade,
full of promises
like a free fall
i am not scared
whether it is going to be
broken.

i don't know why did i fall in love with you
and i don't know why did you fall in love
with me either,
because you said i am a package
of all your pet peeves.
to be fair,
there are some parts that i may
not fond of
but those imperfections
makes you the perfect one
for me.

still,
i don't know why i fall in love in with you,
but i love you because of you,
and you made me love myself
even more too.

psychologists say that if you're
experiencing mood swings for
no reason
it means that you're
missing
somebody,
but i am nobody
to you.

i am not upset
that you're gone,
i am way past that
but i am afraid
of you being around;
it seems like my past
is breathing down
my neck and
reminding me
about the extra baggage
that i carry behind my
back
tearing up my eyes
and slitting my throat,
leaving me with no words
but to let you
come again.

but then,
that is how you will be.
you will only come
but you will never stay,
i no longer see a point of waiting
but my heart still is the
dumb teen that reads chic lit
that thinks that this is another story
that will have a happy ending

but she forgets that
she can have her happy endings
with someone else
another man that will make every
decorations in her house
lighted scented candles in her rooms
polaroids in her file
baggy T-shirts that she uses to sleep

worth it.

i hope that my heart now understands
that you are not that man,
and my head too, knows that.

Amir took me out for a birthday dinner at Chili's, my favourite Mexican/Western restaurant. It has been months since I have been there, probably the last time would be the end of last year. I was surprised to see the restaurant interior lighted up instead of having dim lights, enough for the cosy vibe.

I have always adored that place. The environment is comfortable and chill for an eat out and the prices of the food are relatively lower than other Western restaurant joints that I have been to such as Tony Roma's and TGI Fridays. My favourite pick will always be the Crispy Honey Chipotle Chicken Crispers. Frustrated to not find coleslaw as one of the sides on the menu, I substituted the corn on the cob with onion rings, hoping to make a healthier choice, but the onion rings came fatly battered. So much for a balanced meal, huh.

After the meal, we planned to drive up to Bukit Ampang. I remembered Bukit Ampang being one of the starter topics when we first talked to each other since I just came back from there when he first slided into my DMs. As we were on the drive, listening to Hollaback Girls from Gwen Stefani, Amir pointed out to the sky.