Thursday, 22 December 2016

Sunday, 18 December 2016


You may be indulging into your K-Dramas for entertainment in a personal ward that you have all to yourself,but deep down we're both constantly looking at the time counting how many hours left to the scariest war in record that you will face as a soldier,alone.My life is always full of 'I wish'es but it keeps thumping harder and harder in my heart as the clock tickes.

I wish that  I messaged you just to know that you're okay.
I wish that  I visit you as often as I should.
I wish that  I take more pictures with you since you're not a camera shy anymore.
I wish that  I am present at your worst.
I wish that  I appreciated you more than ever because you're the only friend that doesn't leave me after primary school and takes me for who I am-naiive.

I wish 
I wish 
and I wish.

I begged to God to not take my one pill of happiness away,nor her own happiness.Only you and Him knew the big lump of pain that you carry behind your back secretly from everyone else,and only He can ease and vanish them all.You brought happiness to me,and I have faith that He will grant you more than you give.

Erase all your worries and confusions because He is the best planner and He looks and cares for all the sufferings that you have been through.This may be cliche but the only reason why He tests His servants is because He loves them.He loves you very much.I,and We,love you very much.

Remember,you're bent but not broken.

You're a very strong fighter and I'm proud to have a warrior as my best friend.

Cheers to life,we'll get through this all.


(this is the only picture that we have together up to date.& this is freaking four years ago.don't judge.)

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Writer Goes Worldwide

A few weeks ago, I got a notification on my Twitter account stating that someone followed me.It wasn't someone,but something.It's an official account of a magazine called The Affinity Magazine.A little stalking has been done and they even have a tick beside their names to ensure that they're the only official account.I was like,homagad they must be a famous magazine if Twitter was hands down on verifying them.

The Affinity Magazine is a teen magazine that was written by a range of teen writers for the peers.It has a lot of topics to talk about from serious politics to entertainment and real life issues,woah all of the articles are brilliantly written.The application to become a writer is all-year round so I just gave it a shot.I sent in one of my blog posts which is my report on Sarawak Cultural Village during my visit to Sarawak last year.Yes,no jokes were erased and absolutely nothing was changed.I just copied all my goofiness and pasted it at the sample writing column.Aye that can't be good because no writers in there joke around and I totally lost hope and flatlayed myself on the floor,gratefully no one thought that I'm a fat fur rug.

I checked my email everyday as it is my daily routine for updates/invitations/etc until one day,there's an email in the inbox titled 'Open This Quick!' from Evelyn V.Woodsen and I read it carefully to check if it's a scam or whatever cyberbullying and cybersafety is all about.

We really enjoyed looking over your application and reading your writing samples. The Affinity team was impressed with your style of writing and approach and would love to formally offer you a position as a staff writer. '

That was the day that I finally thought that I can rest in peace.

I got the job guys! I am a real writer for a magazine!Woohoohoo! *dances like how i dance to 24K Magic*

but this job doesn't come easy.When I say that I'm a real writer,I AM A REAL WRITER.I have to write an article once a week and submit it for the editors to review,learn to put credentials and cites on sources that doesn't come from myself especially photos and not all of my articles will be accepted.I may get rejected and turned down.In fact,I am waiting for the review of my first ever article for Affinity whether it is approved or not to be published.The scare is real.I rather be in a haunted house.Wait,nope.No haunted houses.Never.

I see all of these in the bright side,of course.The editorial board wants me to be commited to my job,be alarmed with the news happening around me and make some space for myself to grow and improve my writing to become a better writer/journalists because most of the writers here will go off and work for high end companies like The Huffington Post and MTV and obviously I would like to have the honour to be the first hijabi hosting the worldwide MTV show,who knows aite?A world without boundaries.

Given the space and time,I would like to thank everyone that has been supporting me from Day 1 throughout my journey in writing from building up my passion to getting a place in an international online teen magazine team of writers.I love all of you that has been kind to me.You are never forgotten.

Taking a deep breathe and let's hope that everything will work out just fine.


Thursday, 8 December 2016


you hate poems.
maybe that's why i write a lot.
i don't want you to read a
dozen stanzas that means
'i miss you' .
-nevertheless you still
support me
and reading you say
'i'm proud of you' from
a smartphone makes me
a smiling emoji
(before you said the exact same
phrase to someone else)
now here's an angry cat with fangs.

you once told me
to move on
and put everything behind
to write fresher pieces
in order to relate them with
the audience
but i decided to be a rebel
because i don't want to forget you.
ah,you are used to this.
'such a brat'.

this distance is a silent killer.
i get to meet my parents once
a week but not my number three.
once a year is only by chance.
it's hard to be alive
but i survived with your attitude
and a miserable mind
this one ain't a freeshow,
it's too horrifying.

as i grow up,
i focus too much
on the italics
but lost it at
the bold.

how should i know?
you make fun of
serious matters
but took no chill
on jokes.

a gentle reminder;
i am always your
little girl that you
see on stage with a
bee costume
that turns around when
you call her 'Dear'
and asks you stupid
questions while you're
reading manga online
in your free slots
but still doesn't know
how to cut her own
slice of pizza.

-and if you really
do wait for me,
have some rest.

i'll always come back.

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Tuesday, 29 November 2016


I don't think that this will be an inspirational post because I am not someone you can look up to as an idol.I did a lot of mistakes throughout my life,or actually too much for me to remember,but mistakes are the best teachers in life.You will never be precatious after you went wrong.Take this analogy,you can't ride a bicycle without falling first.

Najwa once said to me, "I like having scars on my body because I can remember what happened.It's like patches of memories".

I don't have a lot of visible scars but I have a deep scratch at my right wrist.I got this when I was 13 years old,and like a film it will rewind what happened back then everytime I look at it.It was the exam season,I can't remember which but I wanted to take off stapled papers on the softboard to avoid students from cheating.The last paper was at the highest point of the softboard and I was too short(and still) to reach,so I climbed on a bookshelf.Unfortunately,the bookshelf couldn't put on with my weight and it broke.My hand was holding the bookshelf so it got hurt first and the tip of the nail scarred my skin for life.Encik Razif was my class teacher and he asked what happened to the shelf,and one of my classmates told him about the incident but all that he said was,

                                   "Oh,patut lah"

                          WHAT DO YOU MEAN OH PATUTLAH YOU WANT TO SAY THAT I'M FAT IS                                                                           IT?!
                              *cries while shoving a tub of ice-cream in my mouth*

Aih Encik Razif,the one who took the father role since I started college and left before my senior year :( I gave him headaches but he took it all like painkillers.I am very sure that in his eyes I,and all my friends are still little girls.Wandering little girls that he can't save from the world.I'll miss you very much,Encik Razif. :(

Same like scars,mistakes don't stay but it will keep reminding you that you have done this before so don't do it again.For me,mistakes are bittersweet.It will leave you in tears but a laughable memory to remember.I will tell you about my beautiful mistake but later lah.This one is heavy already.

Don't be scared to make mistakes!



i have to stop marking the calendar
when you're being nice
your cheesiness is the end of my smile.

i hear the school bell rings
when you turn your back
and left 'goodbye' to end
our conversation,
because the worse thing
that always happens is
you leave me hanging,
and i prefer my body upside
down that being rolled over.

i need to pack my bags
when you mumble a word
first before i can whisper
but i thought that i know
you so much that i keep
building my fence thicker
and higher when you are
defenseless and displaying
yourself like an antique in
a museum;
a genuine soul.

i ride the car anyway
without waving back
because we will
eventually trace each
other after
the season ends.

Monday, 21 November 2016

Friday, 18 November 2016

Quotes From My Sisters

Zyva and I had been through a two-day leadership camp organised and facilitated by our dear 'younger' sisters from MGC/TKCOGA and I managed to get some quotes in my mind that hit me a lot from very inspiring kakaks.This entry will be updated in case there's more quotes in my notebook that I left in my room while writing this.

                             "Something that is worth doing is difficult"

"Never take your past decisions as a regret"
                                                                        -Kak Adeeba

                            "Don't do to others what it don't want to be done to you"

                                                                       -Kak Shahnaz

                             "Remember Allah in your good times,
Allah will remember you in your bad times"

"Excellence is a habit,not an act"

"Listen to your elders.It is not because they are always right,
it's because they have more things that have done wrong"

-Kak Chah

Hope that this will drive you to success as it has driven me to be better 💖


Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Too Young

I don't live long enough to tell you
which investment plan is the best to save up for
your luxury two-room apartment that is two blocks
away from the noisy elite nightclubs in Kuala Lumpur
but listen to me girl,
you're not a woman yet if you still wear those
miniskirts to impress an athlete when you walk
past the boys' locker room
Kuala Lumpur is a good place to find good books
but not a good life.
It's the trees that give you life,
unless you're a tree yourself
or your heart finds peace
in the 5-8 daily traffic jams,
hands down.

but why invest on a two-room apartment
when you can invest in a plot of land
and build an exclusive mansion?
guess that i'm not too young to give out
financial advise.

take off the lace dress
if it doesn't make you feel any more
than a wrapped frozen hotdog
on prom night.
don't feel ashamed to button up
a red checkered shirt and rock those
pair of jet black boots on the dance floor.
comfort is the key to confidence,
and you should be in your own skin.
take your time to learn how to cross
your legs while holding the tip of
your blouse.
even princesses had scheduled etiquette classes
to pick up manners at the dining table.
no one expects you to know how to
have a fleek mascara when you yet to
know the difference of which foundation
covers which.
you'll get there.

don't worry if you cannot help
carrying a man's trophy.
bear in mind:
wings grow,
not being attached.
you can empower the
world with your rough hands
from writing assignments and
cooking a decent platter.
everyone needs a backbone,
don't be one to a careless
person that only knows
how to break things apart,
including your heart.

be brave and ask around.
be bold and brace every flaw
run forward and see the wonders
that God has to offer in the world,
not running in circles.
it will help you avoid bumping into
the same negativities.

take this as a pep talk,
i hope this one lingers
in your mind and occupies
all the space that you have
to kick out fear from your

-and we are never too young
to do so.

Sunday, 13 November 2016


i ate chocolate wafers and pints of caramel ice-cream
i was sugar deprived
my brain froze
had a hangover the next morning
like bottles of alcohol
i realised that dairy couldn't fix this heartbreak
when it started aching again after lunch.

it is no longer about boys.
i learnt my lesson quick although not
passing the exams because i don't
need to answer questions that shook
my principles that made me reminisce
to believe.
it is bad to believe that no sensible
human would try to pick up
the little pieces of my anatomy and hugs
tight to glue it together again
only to find it crushed into microchips.
this is a general statement.

is this a mental illness
when i see a sea of love approching
my toes but when i run towards the waves,
i can't see a puddle left unless i take
10 steps back?

i don't think that any doctor
or medicine can heal me
from this illusion.

Wednesday, 9 November 2016


i was unconscious and numb.
i couldn't twich when the nurses
poked needles through my veins
to flow a river of hope
somehow they found out in science
that the waves crashing the walls
of my heart will keep it beating
but your fingers that read my
stitched palms  like Braille
and brought them close
to your lips for every silent
prayer that made me alive.
the only stimulus that i could feel
was your strands of hair that brushed
the ends of my left arm from the start
until the shift of the moon ended
i felt cruel.
i couldn't lift it to wrap around your
shoulders when you bury your
head in my blanket beside my hip
gave up defending your tumbling
fort and cry.
each drop of tear that you shed was
my strength until i was able to open my eyes
to  see your smile.
i won't forget the warmth of your hug that put
my grudges and anger on fire.
when the doctor took off the breathing mask
from suffocating my face
i could exhale forgiveness.

i am still crawling to stand
on my wobbling feet
but i am no longer afraid to
because i am assured that
you are always here
to catch me from every failure.

and that makes all the pain
worth healing.

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Better Man

it's funny that
there are tracks that
still reminds me of you,
like this new Little Big Town
record that I'm listening to.

i solemnly swear that i'm not
and i don't deny that
when i turn the shower tap
i can feel the tip of your fingers
skipping on my skin like hitting
staccatos on the keys of the piano
with every downpour.

i am no superhero but
God keeps giving me flashbacks
that i don't want to remember,
making me a confused physicic.
i would hear your jokes whenever
FaceTime accidentally opens by
but i would also hear your denials
and your lies of every bullet that
you hit
bull's eye,you held me hostage
in your mischief.

and that made me a cruel empress,
not giving you any more arrows.

now and then,
i would still question myself
if you wore suit and tie
opened doors
remembered our anniversary by heart
respected my principles
and looked at me in awe
like Milky Way was in them
sprayed Paco Rabanne like Dad,
my favourite scent
if you were loyal before I left,
if you were a complete
different person,

will we stay awake  in the teenage dream that we sleep for?

'will I be still in love
if you were a better man?'

Friday, 4 November 2016

Beauty Obsessions

   So exam has ended and my results should just be in the trash because it is bad compared to every child that Mom knows.I am not really sad because I have improved on a few subjects such as Physics and passed Addmaths!Woohoo!Now I'm listening to Kamikaze by MØ while ranting to all of you.What a life 😌

    To kill time,I watch make-up tutorials!I have discovered Noriana The Face Designer and she is a miracle man,the proper guide that I need.She is a famous MUA in Malaysia and is responsible for Yuna's fabulous looks when she's back in town and she is truly effortless.Her motto : Minimum effort,maximum impact.Her tutorials are not hard at all and she explains in detail on which technique is for what,like the use of contouring,and the products that she uses and why she uses them.She's such a fairygodmother for noobs like me.😇

    Youtube helps and embarasses me a lot at the same time.Everyone noticed that I bought the Instant Age Rewind Dark Circle Concealer by Maybelline and even showed how I put it under my eyes.Guess what?IT WAS WRONG.DON'T EVER LINE IT UNDER YOUR EYES!ABORT YOUR MISSION NOW!Haih what a noob 😖

    You should dab it properly under your eyes and blend it using a beauty blender or a Kabuki/wtv the brush's name is.I have sooo much to learn.I have the thoughts of buying a beauty blender but it costs about RM90 at Sephora and I think the Ministry of Finance that follows me everywhere will definitely ask Sephora to close down before I ever come in.Let's opt for a set of brushes instead aye?

     I think I urgently need a moisturizer.Oh here's a funny story.During my shopping spree at Domesky,I grabbed a spray that said it was an Aloe Vera moisturizer.I quickly took it because I just saw a make-up tutorial using an Aloe Vera moisturizer but when I watch it again,it was in CREAM form.What a disaster.I don't even know where the so-called moisturizer is now.Maybe Mom knows.She knows everything at the tip of her nose.Also,a setting spray!My make-up will quickly fade and looks shiny and all although I don't even sweat.I see a lot of people using Urban Decay'/ Setting Spray so maybe I'll try it out and tell you the results(if I have the money to do so).

      My make-up journey is a loooong way to go,do bear with me and my progress!


Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Fats and Food

           Yesterday, I received a text message from a friend.

                                       "You look fatter".

           I was like, 'OMG don't you know any manners of talking to a woman?' but I just replied,

                                       "I know.I'm at a phase where I feel hungry and eat all the time,and you just know what phase it is".

           I do feel insecure but I am not born to please you in any way.If I want roast chicken at 3AM,I will have that roast chicken. (which is quite impossible because I will feel dizzy and pass out by 1130 pm.School schedule.)

           This is a quick reminder to every human being in the universe when talking to a woman,you shouldn't ever in a million years to ask about:

1) Their weight/body shape/clothes size
2)Their age(although it is not really a problem to me but this is sensitive for most women)

Now I have given you the basic manners,APPLY IT.

Don't ruin your first date with breaking the rules! 😉


Saturday, 22 October 2016


i am a tangled mess
that curls up
when comfort tries to rebond
with a streak of iron

-even when i'm sleeping
my dreams are all about
falling from a height of
monologues that are
meant to be said out loud
and waking up with
a complete anatomy
but acknowledges the fractured
bones caging promises
that once i held onto
but got broken alas,
like my heart.

i am always alarmed
on warnings and aware of
manipulative tongue twisters
but i stand back
play along
got laughed at for being an honest
Honey,'pious' is not a familiar adjective.

what is the point of
guarding an empty deposit box
i am worn out of this old butterfly cycle
it won't be a sweet victory birthday bash.
free was demolished from the vocabulary of
and people are not fortune tellers to
know what you will become.
their vision is limited to the present
'I love you' can't be heard if
the sceptical beauty is not what they see.

I've had enough of living with my eyes closed
but with a conscious mind.
I don't want to wake up.
It hurts to be sober but don't reach for the pills.
Been there done that,it won't even snap your nerves
to forget why are you up crafting words with a dim moon
to show you the alphabets.

Turn off the lights,please.
Good night,
as there is no sunrise
that can kiss hopes on my
cheeks from the window.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Back Home

            Exam has ended and took all my beauty sleeps with it,so I just have the mood of writing something heavy.
            I am more than grateful to be brought up in a family that has awareness towards the importance of religion and seeing each of my family member changing towards the better becomes a motivation to do the same.Seeing my 60+ year old grandmother puasa sunat 3-4 days a week and deeply interested reading the Tafsir Quran like a storybook sometimes makes me feel ashamed of myself for not doing the same.Mom has also lengthen her headscarf and wear skinsocks.I am not always at home so I am quite late on revolving but I have noticed that these changes becoming more obvious day by day.I have also started to wear skinsocks whenever I'm out of college because I feel the comfort of wearing it.My feet is cold all the time so socks is a good alternative to overcome it.Actually,I was interested in wearing skinsocks because of this one time Mom came with a cute floral motive skinsocks.It was sooooo beautiful and she had lots of them at home,so I started to wear those until at one point I wore sandals with my bare feet,the sun rays directly shooted at my feet and I feel like my feet was burning.At that time,I thought that maybe Allah wanted to show me that covering my feet is a priority since it is actually a must to do so at the first place.I hope and I pray that this change is permanent and I'll improve time by time.Amin.
               I would like to recall a conversation that I had with a friend.A boy likes her and chased her for years but she keeps rejecting him.I asked her why,and her respond was, "He prayes five times a day.I don't like it if we're in a middle of a date and he keeps asking for excuse to pray and drags me along.",I replied, "Isn't it good to have someone that remembers God?",she simply just answered me, " I'm not like him.Yeah,you can take him instead if you want to".I was taken aback.No offense here,she is a really good friend of mine.I respect her desicions but the way she said is like I am too pious,I don't make any sins.I have soooo much to change and improve,and I sin too,in just a different way.I had hurt someone's feelings,talk about people behind their backs and so much more sins that any ordinary woman specifically,would do.
                I have so much to learn to stregthen my faith,but I believed one thing,if we are devoted to God any follow His orders,you will be safe here and hereafter.The simplest way to do that is pray.How bad,evil or cruel you may be,pray.Lost?pray.Happy?pray.Any mood and everything that you do,always remember to pray.Allah is always with you,and closer in each sujood.
                 I would like to thank every single person that took me to the right path when I was lost looking for myself.I have learnt to think,accept and forgive.I feel at home alas.Most of all,I found en route back to The Almighty,the only route that I should be walking on.
                 To you lost souls,pick up the call.Allah is waiting for you,the Most merciful.


Tuesday, 18 October 2016


a rocking hammock that
wants to be a safety net.

that is a woman.

she wants two hands
in her hair
pulling her close to
the taste of heaven
and the same two hands
that assists her to twirl
in the rain
and the same two hands
that gives her a bouquet
of flowers and any diamond
accesory on every date that
involves birth and the start
of the sparks
and the same two hands
that craftes its arms to fit
her waist after midnight
to ease the pain

but she also wants
to tame the two hands
from lingering around other
women's  fingers and
conquering their hearts.

she doesn't want to be a substitute.
she wants to be the main player
so enough is never enough.

but the moment she thinks
she did,
 she feels the responsibility
to obey,
the duty to trust
and the agreement to be loyal.

and so she closes her eyes
and shut her heart.

let the same hands squirt
blood out of her lips
and the same hands
pushes her to the corner of the wall
and her head is  nearly pierced
by the edge of the table
she knows  that at the end of night
the same hands will pull her close
to the soothing beating
like a drumroll welcoming her to
the heaven that she first found
in the eyes that promised her
a space to reside.

so she tends to forgive
again and again
and when repetition occurs
on a word
sorry sounds like a soft
snore she waits every night
for the instrument to come home.

that is a woman.

-such fragile creatures that
are playfully screenplayed
by love.

Thursday, 13 October 2016


he said that he didn't know
what he was thinking.
i said it is normal to be
insane and making
desicions when we
are drunk out of
bottles of forever.

he said he didn't expect it
to be this way.
i laughed on how he is so 
naiive to believe in
false alarms and loud
sirens that love brings.
this one mischievious 
friend,i said,
is meant to make you fall
apart if you don't know how
to fall in place.

he said that he should choose me
over her.
regrets,i said,
comes only after happily ever after
betrays you.
humans are one tough cookie,
we never learn.

she pulls his arm from the
coffee table.
see you later,he said.
i waved goodbye while
saying later is another
heart broken.

Sunday, 9 October 2016


'don't make your writings 
move on,dear.
try writing things that 
people can relate to'.

I have tried
but it made butterflies
took my fingers off
the pad 
and ended up
not writing 
anything at all.

my wrecked pieces
can never be completed
before the heart has
a say,

and my identity is
lost without a mutual feeling
in every sentence.

my poems don't fit the market-
they are not supposed to be 
commercialized although 
to have their quotes as a foreword
in novels and movies
is every poet's dream.

my poems are chapters of stories
stories of i don't need you to relate to,
understanding is enough.

Somewhere In Between

The nightly breeze can't soothe me to sleep tonight.
I want to drift stroking the clouds
and dance with the moon
but I am not an athlete
and my steps wobble.

and so I sleep anyway,
with a racing heartbeat
craving for more excitement
for tomorrow's sunrise,

but tomorrow is yesterday,
and yesterday was
the day before,
nothing is getting better.

therefore,I choose
to be in between.

the stripes of white and black
dreaming to be splashed
with colours.

Friday, 7 October 2016

One Good One

      'I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away,
                 but baby I just need one good one to stay'
                             -Lady Gaga

Tuesday, 4 October 2016

Septomber Updates

      It's 8.03 p.m. and I should be studying Addmaths but everything can wait for a little visit.How was everybody?I have exams as usual and I recently deleted both my Twitter and Instagram app from my iPad for some reason so do reach me by e-mail if you need to seek assistance from me!I check my mailbox regularly don't worry.
      September was good,I went to Melaka with my parents and had a whole day out with Ekmal going to KFC which books should be involved as well.....but.......yeah what's books when you have good gossips to share after months not meeting each other?We went to Light Sensation as well with Mom until 1 in the morning.Had a lot of work to earn million dollar photos haha.
       I started to wear lipstick now and a lot of wedges lately,I think I should shift to heels.I am quite obsessed with the idea to look tall to look slim.Exploring new colours of lipstick is amazing,a whole new world for me to think which colour suits which outfit and whatnot.Unfortunately,I still eat a whole lot.Sorry.Nope,not sorry for my appetite.
        I think that's all I have for now.Will talk more later after Diagnostics,hoping to have a short vacation at some beach.Haih dreams.

Monday, 5 September 2016

                Nothing's easy for me lately,but I got to sneak some time to go to the library and talk to you while listening to Ariana Grande.The duet with Nicki Minaj was slayyyyyyyyyy _______ (insert inappropiate exclaimations here on your own.Mom's reading).
               Exam's near,which is a month away.This is a major one since the results from my finals will be somehow used for university entrance and scholarships that I have to critically think in about,um,3 months?Omg am I that old already?It just felt like yesterday that I ran around the assembly square with my friends.I still run around too.Like,when I tease my friends and we will run around infront of the house.I like to stay up lately,randomly sitting at the bench while gossiping and talking about life.Staying up until 2am on Sunday night is a routine.
              I think I'm done updating that I'm still alive.In Shaa Allah,I'll be back with a nicer news later on!


Thursday, 25 August 2016

Shifty Shifts

             Who's done with the exams?MEEEEEEEE!!! *jumps in the air with rainbows*
      No more 2am sleeps for me yas.

             Anyways,I got an announcement to make.I'm going to reactivate my Tumblr specifically for my poems and my travel photos or legitly any photo that I want to share because iOS being such a *curse* again and doesn't have any suitable app to upload photos on Blogger.The link for my Tumblr is  .Mind to follow for any latest updates from me there as well!

            Haih,I just wanna go home.


Monday, 15 August 2016

Thursday, 11 August 2016

A Little Rant

         I just came back from a school camp at BTN Kuarters KLIA that was just 15 mins away with a sore pair of shoulders and hips.I was grateful that I wasn't injured like a few of my friends( a lot actually) because of touch rugby.Well,I was more of an observer and always will.Hehe.

         I don't know what to call this post but I would like to rant about myself that's basically transitioning from being a teenager to an adult in 2 years' time and I think what I thought I would be right now 4 years ago is totally different.Not drifting apart,it was unexpected.

         I am not living the 'Regina George' life that everyone in primary school including myself expected me to,I am not the hottest girl that every football/rugby/athlete boys run for,my grades are hanging on the bar,waiting to leap forward or backwards and I don't even know what I want to be.All I am certain is that my eating habits won't change,period.

        I'm starting to be matured of handling personal issues and all of my enthusiasm and monkey love days are completely over.I left all of that on my 15th birthday.It may sounds like I'm not having fun with my life,not going to lit parties or anything but I'm being more sane and logical of my behaviour and desicions.Being hyper at 16 is everyone's dream but let all the fun aside,there are more things to priortize.More people to be appreciated.More challenges to encounter.I may be such a bad friend because I frequently say that I wanted to join my friends for hangouts and back out a few minutes later but I constantly remind myself that I have a single 14(shift those numbers please) year old mother that only knows what fun means when I'm home,and I've started to realize that I'm happier being with my mother that any other person in the world.Kissing each other's cheek at the escalator and she will always say the sincerest  'I love you'.Feeling very sappy right now,thank god I'm going home tomorrow.

        Speaking of my perspective of love,I rather wait for it to come.I do have someone special in mind but love will come to you after all,isn't it?I don't know,really.Things may happen.I let it happen with full consent.I'm tired of planning.I'll just sit in the tube in this river and follow the flow wherever it may go,in life too.

        I have said enough and I have promised you a make-up haul right?Do keep an eye on my Snapchat ok!Don't miss anything for the next 72 hours!


Friday, 5 August 2016

Love is.

Joke on me,
because I love you so much
that I let myself drown in
the glass of mocktail
that you share with her
on a scorching Sunday
locking myself in the cubes
of ice and melt away with the
heat as the conversation
sparks like firecrackers 
but it was bliss,
it's either I get to swim
in the river of your veins
occupying the banks
of your heart
or reside in the strains of 
her eyes that you wish
to wake up every
sunrise to.
Either way,
I will be deeply loved by you,
in the disguise of someone 
else's cresent smile.

Road To Being The Girl That You Regret Not Dating With

         New look,new blog,new me!Sorry for dropping the tags before the title before finally Anissu helped me to edit my blog!Yayerz!It's so Vivy-ish and it's okay because it's Anissu and it's Vivy.Love both of you!💓

         I don't know if I had an accident by accident but I suddenly wanted to learn basic make-up.Downloaded the simplest make-up tutorial ever by Grace and Grace on Youtube and I'm planning to go on a little haul at Sephora and drugstores to find the right lipstick,mascara,foundations and concealer.No offense to Malaysian Youtubers but the base is too complicated for me as a newbie but they're still my ultimate gurus when it comes to hijab styling.I'm also figuring out to improve a few other aspects of myself but one baby step at a time 😄 I'll upload a lot of my daily activities so make sure you follow me there to see what I got! 👻 : maleenbalqish .I'm sooooo obsessed with it right now because I can spam all I want,anytime! Hehe.Everything bts will be there fo sure.

          You'll hear more from me,just stay tuned!Let's just hope that my attempts make a huge success.Amin!

(Controversial title indeed but that's legitly my motivation.Slaying all the way)


Thursday, 28 July 2016

Diary 101:The Story Goes To School

           As a new volunteer journalist for Generasi Bersatu Malaysia,I did an honest POV regarding The Story Goes To School event at my own college yaw.It's up now on the blog site and the UPSR KSSR app,it should be beeping at all your devices now if you have it 😁

          Enjoy my first debut in GBM and expect more works for me uploaded there!

          Watch all The Story from iconic leaders at
           On Youtube,just search the account name Asyraf Khalid and you can watch all the episodes.

           Blog link :!THE-STORY-GOES-TO-SCHOOL-Tunku-Kursiah-College/zlpu0/5799b6ae0cf27547c72b3479

          Instagram : thestoryGBM

       Enjoy and keep on supporting the movements for the empowerment of youth in Malaysia. ❤️


Thursday, 21 July 2016

Diary 101 : Beauty and Hair Tips Please!

I have time to blog.I have time to blog.I have time to blog.I have time to blog.I have time to blog.

    I urgently need everyone's help on my face and hair which is one of the main reasons I don't apply any make up on my face except for CC cream and compact powder,both only from Maybelline and I decided that I do want to change that,or at least to fix the little things up.

    I used to wear Tia Amelia's krim kunyit product on my face but since I found a pack of Korean Mask at Guardian for additional protection and enhancement,it has been my saviour since I finished the cream.Mind you,I don't use any cleanser because it will irritate my skin and I do have a habit of going to the spa for facial maybe...every 3 months?Whenever I'm free.

  I  have dry lips,nasty pores and blackheads,dry skin and beauty products easily irritate me.I think my skin is sensitive at some sort.My hair is frizzy,dry and damaged.What a combo.

  For my hair,I am currently using L'Oreal Elseeve 6 Nourishing Oil Shampoo and Conditioner and it really smoothens my hair a bit better compared to when I used Safi Shayla.I don't have any idea what to do with it anymore because I think I need additional treatments but I don't know which. (Look how I repeat 'I think' in every paragraph).

  So,I have a plan in my head to raid Sephora Malaysia when I get home but I don't know what to buy!Besides,I'm looking for treatment products so I don't know who to ask since my friends are more likely to buy make-up from the huge-store-that-I-don't-know-what-to-do-inside-but-I-know-it-will-help-me-big-time.

  Any suggestions,beauty lovers?Do reach me please!


Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Diary 101:Never Be Alone

           I am very sentimental by the songs that I listen to.Right now,I'm listening to Shawn Mendes's Never Be Alone because I feel very lonely and empty on the inside.I should be studying but I can't focus,well,that's usual for you people to stumble upon my miserable blog that shows how messed up my life is.Not really,but keeping things in tact are hard.Very,very hard.

           Songs play a big role in determining your emotions.When you listen to a sad song like Adele's,you'll go all sappy and crying and screaming like you have been through a thousand breakups.Meanwhile,if you hear party hits and remixes like DNCE(they are my current favourite),you'll jump around and put your hands in the air and go all drunk even when you don't drink,or it is just me.That's why I keep both genres for my future car,I started buying CDs since last year and mum didn't mind and jammed along to One Direction.Goodness gracious she's not the type of not updated mum so I can cooperate a lot of things with her from music to fashion sense although I have trust issues with her sometimes.

           I love to separate songs by their category.Malay songs and English songs have their own playlist and I will usually download the whole album of my favourite artists.Currently,I have Yuna's Chapters,Alessia Cara's Know-It-All,Fynn Jamal's Puisi Tepi Jalan,One Direction's Four and Made In The AM and all The Best of The Cranberries and Bruno Mars.Not to forget Little Big Town although I only love Pain Killer and Crush from the album.I don't like to put them under one playlist because it will be hard for me to search for the songs that I like.I also some K-Pop songs which is obviously from Big Bang but I just stuff them in the English Songs playlist since they are not abundant.All of these are in my JOOX.My Mp3 will forever be messed up since I don't know how to clear them up but I do remember where is the song whether it is between the playlist,the front or at the end.I have a good memory regarding these things but not Biology.Whyyyyy 😖

           I would also like to make a big announcement here (although I am not that famous but do I care I know my kind readers will do me good I love you all).I have a Snapchat!Do follow my Snapchat account @maleenbalqish to see my everyday goofiness and I will also do random vlogs by Snaps when I'm home since I am too lazy to upload a long-length video on Youtube but I miss to talk infront of the camera with you guys!Feels good to be back on set wacey.

          What does your playlist looks like and what does it consist of?Comment down below if you feel like to and I will reply to you guys!Love to hear two cents from all of you since I have been talking alone for quite sometime now here.Get out from the shadows guys,I'm not a werewolf pfft.All of you know how to reach me,and I will forever be available.

          That's all for now.Gotta hit the books although it's like...a half an hour left?Whatever.



Tuesday, 5 July 2016

Diary 101:Smanchy Raya

                   Heyyo guys!I don't have the right time and the finest equipments + lens to babble on Youtube although I miss myself making vids but here goes some of the things that I bought for an A-class Raya.It may not be luxurious enough but the little things that make you happy,yknow?

1. Jelly Bunny Handbag and Purse

       I posted these babies on Snapchat a few days back and got a compliment from Chens which is v v hard actually haha.Imagine getting both of these for RM184 only homagad.Plus,JB is having a storewide sale,half price for everything!


Loving the compartments in it!This handbag can also be largen up to stuff all my things since I ,like,um,bring everything along?Yep.

Plus point,this purse also serves as a clutch and I loooooove wide openings.Makes life much more easier to grab cash/membership cards.

2.O.W.L. glasses

I have serious short-sightness issues.My power is 6.50 and I am a photophobic.Photophobic is a situation where my retina is not flexible,it won't shrink when moving to a bright place which causes excessive light to enter the eyes and worsen my astigmatism and causes headaches when seeing light,anywhere even during the day.O.W.L. has the best range of frames and the price is hella cheap.The price that you see tagged on the frames are inclusive of your lense,no matter how much your power is.You can top up for Blu Ray lense and such from RM99 and RM199.My glasses cost me about RM400+ because I need thinner lenses and Blu Ray.Usually it would cost me RM600 at other optic stores so if you have any problem with your eyes,do get them solved at O.W.L. ! Their opticians are friendly and helpful too.

There you go.How do I look?

I have a lot more things to show like my new Vincci platforms but I don't know where Mum store it sigh.Well,let's just say this year's Raya gonna be lit 🌋 

Got photos from yesterday's iftar with both mum and dad.This is our first Iftar together as a family because dad has been busy working on his project for the past few weeks and didn't have time to see me at college :( Thank god mum put up this iftar idea for all of us.Enjoy!

This is hella funny gotta put this everywhere.

That's a wrap up for this year's Ramadhan.Happy whacking the Rendang and save up some lodeh for me,N9 folks!Salam Aidilfitri to all of you lovelies!


Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Diary 101:Stay Longer

                      Sometimes,when I am alone,I will imagine what if my mum leaves me,which she will,in,I don't know,but I hope it won't be that fast because they are a lot of achievements and places that  I wanna go with her.

                      Everytime I think about it,I wil feel lost.I don't know where to move on from there.I shared everything with her,our room,our clothes.our personal spaces,our arms that are meant for each other.I don't know what to do after her funeral.Maybe I would drive as far and fast  as I could and meet an accident and forget that everything ever happened.I don't know who to reach for comfort when my feelings are pouring like a broken tap.Will it be my doting grandmother?Will it be my friends?Will it be my teachers?Who are the ones who I will ask to not leave?

                     How will I ever move on with this life without her?It's not about house chores or the troubles in cooking,it's about losing your companion.I may have a boyfriend,I may have a husband later on,but they will never replace a mother's throne.Who will pray to Allah to ease my day and night?Who will be the one that I will ask forgiveness from during Eid?Who will be able to stand my raging thoughts and my childish attitude and still say that she loves me before I doze off in my slumber?

                     It makes me cry everytime having these illusions.I am a bad child,but I will try my best to hold my hand while walking along the streets and treat her a tender beef steak.I am hard-headed and stone-hearted,but I will always spare a soft spot for her.I am full of my thoughts but I never escape from listening to hers tentatively when sometimes I don't show the introvert side of mine.I am brave of leaping what's ahead of me but I always need her to guide me home.

                    Oh Allah,please let Mama stay longer.


Saturday, 18 June 2016

Diary 101:Ramadone Bits + Lyfe

                               Yes,I'm still alive,people.Alhamdulillah.


    Ramadhan is a month to detox yourself from all your bad deeds that you have done in the past.I wanna share with all of you a tazkirah that I heard from Ustaz Khidir last night.He said that one day,Rasulullah stepped on the mimbar that has three steps.Rasulullah said 'Amin' when stepping on each step heading to the top of the mimbar.The Companions were shocked of his weird behaviour.After performing the Jumaat prayers,The Companions asked him why did he do so.Rasulullah replied, "Jibril AS came to see me and asked me to say 'Amin' as he recites a prayer at each step.The first dua was 'Whoever doesn't use Ramadhan as a month to get rid off his sins and become a better person,he will be thrown in the Hellfire'.The second dua was, 'Whoever doesn't use his parents as a reason for him to enter Heaven,he will be thrown into the Hellfire'.The third dua was, 'Whoever doesn't selawat when listening your name,Rasulullah,will be thrown into the Hellfire'.Rasulullah said 'Amin' to all three.

     It snapped me a lot and became a wake up call for me.I haven't been using Ramadhan as much as I should and keep making myself busy with other unnecessary things like skipping Tarawih to watch a drama online.Yes,I admit that I'm not a good person.I never was.I hope I will.In Shaa Allah,you too.

     Let's increase the momentum of our ibadahs and become a better person for ourselves and the people around us.May Allah guide us for the better.Amin.

p/s: Where can I find delicious kuih raya for Eid?My family doesn't have even one!


Monday, 23 May 2016

Diary 101:Finding Myself

                                                         "Who am I?"

  That question is repeatingly popping out of my head and kept bothering me.I don't even know who am I.I don't know how to define myself.I don't know what is my personality.I don't know what should I do in the future like in 5 minutes from now,I don't know.It gets blurrer as I grow.

  At some moments,I feel like I am living in a life full of lies.I am uncomfortable with my own skin.This cloth that is on top of my head right now,was covering my hair up due to judgemental society back in elementary.I don't have a stand for myself.It was all separated by a line back then,an angel covers up,a hellman displays.I remembered every single time people would label me things that were inappropriate that forces me to be someone that I am not to fit into the society.

  But this cloth isn't bothering me.I know my responsibilities towards God and my faith and I know that this raging feeling in me will calm down.I asked my mother about going to freehair again but my mother was unpleasant with it.I can't do things behind my mother's back,one thing for sure.I'll stay to be obedient.This intention will sooner or later will be only for The Almighty,In Shaa Allah.

  The most interrupting issue is,I don't know what is my purpose of living.What am I even doing here in this moment,like,right now?Why am I studying Pure Science,why am I born into this kind of life,why am I this why am I that and lots of whys.Why am I even writing this to be read by a few kind anonymous readers about my messy self while I can choose to potray that bold me?

  Worst,the person that I trusted most broke the promise that he made publicly in sheets of readable paper.

  At the end of this post,I still don't know what will happen later and who is this soul nesting inside these bones for support,but I'll keep searching.I'll let people leave if they want to,I won't beg them to stay anymore.I'll never give up.I'll find myself.


Thursday, 19 May 2016

Diary 101:Things that I Still Can't Do Although I am now 16

Sweet Sixteen to me everybody!💥💥💥💥💥
(No party was organized,Physics ruined my day,no cake,no presents.....oh!except for my fav spicy chicken from Najwa.Thanks Wa! 💓)

Instead of doing a wishlist on what I want to achieve,my dream goals yadayadayada because I know I will never ever achieve all of them especially in academics,so I decided to make a list of what I still can't do/the skills that I haven't inhert from supermom and herodad up until today.Talking about academics,I have a new ambition people!I want to become a vet!

1. I don't know how to bake my face properly
     This includes not mastering the art of contouring my face with foundation,wering lipstick like a splashy paint all over my mouth,wearing eyeshadows like Joker and all other non-feminine stuffs in the world.But seriously,in this era of modernization where teenagers have more than 20 shades of lip kits in their drawers,this is getting out of hand for me.It just proves that I am still not a lady.My friends would always laugh at me when I apply powder on my face.Ugh this is truuuuly annoying.Conceeding to the fact that I am already 16,I honestly think it's time to at least know how to apply powder to my skin,the right way.

2. I don't know how to cook
     As a Malay girl and your mother is the best cook from all her sisters in the family after grandma,this is terrible.I know how to cook frozen foods because duh all you have to do is fry them in a hot pan of oil and taraaa that's it.Once I had an attempt of cooking Rendang Nogori,I had a huge argument with mom and right after that the plastic in the blender was BLENDED with the WHOLE kuah.The rendang was nice and everyone didn't mind eating plastic because you don't even feel it when you eat it but how many blenders should be sacrificed in every meals man.Biggest reveal,I don't know how to cook rice.I knew it once but that is because I did it once and then mom did the job of cooking the rice(and cooking everything that we have in the fridge/make drinks/prepare dessert)and I will be the wasing girl,washing plates.I am worried of myself if I will have to migrate abroad and I don't know how to cook,I will starve.Malaysian and Malaysian Food is inseparable.Forever.

3. I don't know how to wear heels
     Forget about court shoes,I'm talking about stilettos.Here's my dilemma;I am short but large.I've heard stories of large people getting their stillettos break off and hell no I don't need that kind of embarassment infront of people while walking in the mall or queueing up to buy ice-cream at McDonalds #largepeopleproblems.I want to wear heels to balance the proportion of my body but insecurities are killing me.New resolution,wear heels.

4. I don't know how to move a car foward/backwards
    Conclusion:I can't drive for god's sake.There's this one time that I want to be a good daughter and would like to wash my mother's car but the gate was locked and there was not enough space to wash it in the house compound.I called up a friend of mine and asked on how to do so.Pulling up the gear,pressing the petrol pad or whatever you call it.I panicked and screamt like hell because I felt like crashing the gate.Thank God I was able to push the brake pads on time.I'm going to get my license next year and I'm not so sure of passing the parking test.
Yep,I think that's all that I don't know.Actually a lot but this is the most basic for me as a 16-year old teen in the city.Everyone has their own strength and weaknesses and how to pull it off:slay everything.Be the jack of all trades and be a master of one,two,three or all if you want to,because you can.

Wrapping up my sweet sixteen night,just believe that whatever comes in our way,all iz well.Always.

P/s:Sorry for the veeeery big picture.I copied it from my iPad.Ugh Blogger please sync your apps to Apple please!

Xoxo (because it's my birthday),

Monday, 18 April 2016

Diary 101:Manja

I am really manja.

Nothing popped out on my mind to translate this familiar Malay word because rephrasing it ' spoiled' would be too harsh because we are independant but have too much affection.

Being the only child in the family,I am reaaaaaaly overly attached to my parents especially my mum.Both single,we sleep in the same bedroom,hang out literally all the time together and yep everything what mother daughters do.I am never shy of showing my affection towards her,like,hugging her while queueing up for a Sundae cone at McDonald's ,kissing her at the cheek out of the blue and hold hands with her along the walkway to the extend that I feel that it's boring to go out with my boyfriend(when I still had one) because I can't even touch his skin.Haraaaaam sisturz.Which also explains why I broke up and remain single.Which sounds weird.Which is not.

My dad still treats me like a baby.Sometimes it's annoying but while in the process of growing up,I tend to understand that I am his only princess and not denying the truth,the most precious gem that he has aside of his luxury cars that can cost my lifetime lunches.Ok on this part,I actually got angry at him as he bought them recklessly but when it comes to changing my deteorating phone that doesn't even have a front camera,he pulls his face.Yeah do that again,dad. *smashes car mirror* Do that again. *steering lock swinging from my hands* #bratproblems #notreally #iwontdothatimtooangelic #angelfromhell

That doesn't mean I am dependant.I wash my own clothes with the washing machine (who even uses handwash nowadays),iron them with the energy from my toned arms,brave enough to roam at a mall alone and sort what i want to buy,asking people if I don't know anything and....cook!Frozen foods....
It's still counted as a skill,ok.All you women with such soft hands can't even boil water.Hmph. *gets back to chopping the onion with the help of Mak Wan* The kitchen is really a WWE battle for me and mum,srsly.

My actual main point is,being manja is not a potrayal of being weak.Manja is a type of attitude where you are full of affection towards the people around you and likes the company or should I say,a little bit clingy but that doesn't mean that we can't do things on our own.All of us must have at least someone that we're attached to share everything in our life and in my case,two :))
Iron ladies won't achieve anything without backbones.A fact.

Standing up for all manja babies,we're princesses of our own. #spreadthemanjavibe


Monday, 11 April 2016

Diary 101: A-what is it again April?

OMG I miss you I miss you I miss you! *kisses screen tons of times* Finally an ample time to blog!
I'm sorry for keep betraying all of you mischiveous readers,peeking in this virtual diary of mine,and got upset for no updates.I have been around the clock lately,no not really,I have a lot of photos to show but this iPad doesn't have the MOST BASIC FEATURE to upload photos from this device.Apple,I'm very very angry that I can eat thousands of apples in one go.Please laugh.

I am very happy to announce to the whole world that finally I got a role in English Drama this a maid...BUT it's more than enough after being rejected from yearly auditions for four years!(I was one of the scriptwriters and I purposely added the maid part to squeeze in.Hehe)It was a blast!I'll write a special blog post about this later with pictures in about...another fortnight?Oh you guys are used to waiting for me writing a post for weeks and months,what's another fortnight?Ain't a big thing *blows nails* *does mani-pedi with the new scholl applicator because I can*

As usual,I am still struggling and battling with a pile of books and I feel stressed out because there's loads to do and to revise but with little time.Mum keeps telling me about her best friend's son that got 2As during PT3 trials and struggled so hard until he achieved 10As in the real examinations and he still keeps that momentum with him.(Yes Iman,I'm talking about you).He leapt so far and I am waddling behind and I don't know what to do!Especially when Mum told me that he just recently attended MAC(Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang) at his school for his flying colours results,oh god I envy him!I wanted to ask him a few tips on how to do so but since I greeted him by saying 'Yo' and maybe he got a culture shock for such a brutal introduction (bcs saying or even typing 'Hello there' while blinking my eyes a few times with a attractive smile makes me wanna throw up!Ew!) and wasn't unsure if I am a girl or just covering my moustache under a dozen of layers of foundation.Excuse me,I approach everyone like that,even my ex-boyfriend,crush,prince charming,celebrity,the Prime Minister....ok I'll opt for saying hi,just being polite.So....he just replied 'hi?' still in shock with his mouth open *well that was I imagined* and didn't reply after that.That one time we met bcs we need to accompany our mums for a bowling match with their colleagues,he kept avoiding me even though I was excited to chat about the bombings in Turkey since I just knew about the news from Twitter and he's a debater so it will spice things up like a sparking firework but believe me,a heavy rain poured down and extinguished the sparks away. *sobs* such a challenge for a chatterbox like me.

I don't care if you are reading this or not Iman or any Imans around the globe,but I like to make friends nonetheless with guys or girls and maybe I am a bit too harsh on you and you are unfamiliar with girls that never braids her hair with ribbons during primary school,so I am sorry.I just thought that by befriending you,you can guide me towards becoming a better student to perform academically and besides,you are good in Addmaths!That's such a plus point!Yes,I have to admit I am very,very jealous of you getting good grades and all but that doesn't matter.I want to learn,and of course I have to learn from someone better/someone that's ahead of you in the fields that you're weak at.That is the only intention that I have.At least we can stop making our mums worry of us not even looking at each other,oh mums.I'm sorry too.

My rants on life really have to stop here before everyone throws up or goes to the bathroom to flush all the pizzas and chips while reading this whole post.Ooh yummy!

Let's just hope for April to flow well,end well and many months to come.

"Maleen,you are suspended for going home this weekend as a punishment for not switching off the fan last CNY break"

Thanks April,you just wasted my efforts on being positive and keep loving you.


Saturday, 19 March 2016

Diary 101:Nad

I suddenly searched myself on Google and found the blog that I treasured most which is Nad's blog.She last used it in 2012 but till then,it has been made to good use.There are not much memories on it but she picked the important ones and it couldn't matter more.It is like a friendly reminder for me on how we are still going strong after these years and I can't thank God more than ever.

Nad is the type of best friend that I can bust into her house anytime of the day and simply peek in her fridge and grab an ice cream,with permission ofc,but Cik Rus(Nad's mom) just loves me and gives me everything esp her signature murtabak(hint so you can cook often and invite me over).Both of us would sit at the dining table and start reminiscing + gossiping regarding our daily,and parts of our past that we refused to let go.Ironically,when we see each other,we would laugh and laugh and laugh even by not saying anything.Combination of both of us will defeat a crowd of people,trust me.

To Nad,you're such a loser but then I'll always be a bigger loser than you but I don't care.If you get married I'll blurt out your gangsterism acts during primary (and now,still) to your husband and everyone who attends.Mwahaha.

You're a good,no,best friend that I ever had.
On a side note,thank you,Je t'aime.