Diary 101:Finding Myself

                                                         "Who am I?"

  That question is repeatingly popping out of my head and kept bothering me.I don't even know who am I.I don't know how to define myself.I don't know what is my personality.I don't know what should I do in the future like in 5 minutes from now,I don't know.It gets blurrer as I grow.

  At some moments,I feel like I am living in a life full of lies.I am uncomfortable with my own skin.This cloth that is on top of my head right now,was covering my hair up due to judgemental society back in elementary.I don't have a stand for myself.It was all separated by a line back then,an angel covers up,a hellman displays.I remembered every single time people would label me things that were inappropriate that forces me to be someone that I am not to fit into the society.

  But this cloth isn't bothering me.I know my responsibilities towards God and my faith and I know that this raging feeling in me will calm down.I asked my mother about going to freehair again but my mother was unpleasant with it.I can't do things behind my mother's back,one thing for sure.I'll stay to be obedient.This intention will sooner or later will be only for The Almighty,In Shaa Allah.

  The most interrupting issue is,I don't know what is my purpose of living.What am I even doing here in this moment,like,right now?Why am I studying Pure Science,why am I born into this kind of life,why am I this why am I that and lots of whys.Why am I even writing this to be read by a few kind anonymous readers about my messy self while I can choose to potray that bold me?

  Worst,the person that I trusted most broke the promise that he made publicly in sheets of readable paper.

  At the end of this post,I still don't know what will happen later and who is this soul nesting inside these bones for support,but I'll keep searching.I'll let people leave if they want to,I won't beg them to stay anymore.I'll never give up.I'll find myself.

Xx,
M.