Diary 101:Stay Longer

                      Sometimes,when I am alone,I will imagine what if my mum leaves me,which she will,in,I don't know,but I hope it won't be that fast because they are a lot of achievements and places that  I wanna go with her.

                      Everytime I think about it,I wil feel lost.I don't know where to move on from there.I shared everything with her,our room,our clothes.our personal spaces,our arms that are meant for each other.I don't know what to do after her funeral.Maybe I would drive as far and fast  as I could and meet an accident and forget that everything ever happened.I don't know who to reach for comfort when my feelings are pouring like a broken tap.Will it be my doting grandmother?Will it be my friends?Will it be my teachers?Who are the ones who I will ask to not leave?

                     How will I ever move on with this life without her?It's not about house chores or the troubles in cooking,it's about losing your companion.I may have a boyfriend,I may have a husband later on,but they will never replace a mother's throne.Who will pray to Allah to ease my day and night?Who will be the one that I will ask forgiveness from during Eid?Who will be able to stand my raging thoughts and my childish attitude and still say that she loves me before I doze off in my slumber?

                     It makes me cry everytime having these illusions.I am a bad child,but I will try my best to hold my hand while walking along the streets and treat her a tender beef steak.I am hard-headed and stone-hearted,but I will always spare a soft spot for her.I am full of my thoughts but I never escape from listening to hers tentatively when sometimes I don't show the introvert side of mine.I am brave of leaping what's ahead of me but I always need her to guide me home.

                    Oh Allah,please let Mama stay longer.

Xx,
M.