I was reading Tujuh Tahun Tujuh Hari that I just bought from the Lejen bookstore across the street after dinner earlier in the dimlight until I received his text at around 1am.

I just wished Amir goodnight before writing this. It is a rare occasion for him to sign off before me, but there are days when we are extra tired than usual, and he will be working tomorrow anyways. No matter how late he sleeps, he will always be the first to wake me up.

It has been a month after my last post and I have always missed this space. I wanted to deliver good, read-worthy content to all of you so that you can learn a thing or two from me and count it as a form of sedekah as I share good teachings and examples. Then again, I realise that the biggest lessons that we will learn are always fresh from the streets and experiences, so I hope that all of you can learn from my experiences as much as I do too.

About a fortnight ago, I was having dinner with Amir. It has been a habit for the both of us to talk about a lot of things and I like to listen to his thoughts since he lives in a different environment and circle that I am, so I get to see his views in a different dimension. I couldn't remember the start of the whole conversation, but I remember asking him, "What do you think about beggars around KL?"

"My mom always say that you have to be sincere yourself to give before questioning their sincerity to receive. Speaking about that, I remembered one time, a beggar came up to me selling tissues. I gave him RM1, but soon after, the beggar threw the RM1 away right in front of my eyes as if the RM1 didn't mean anything to him at all. "

I gasped. I didn't know beggars can be that cocky.

He continued, "I know that RM1 couldn't cover the cost of him buying the tissues, but imagine this, one decent meal at KL may cost RM5. If everyone gives him RM1, he just needs to sell 5 tissues. Still, it's something. However, seeing that does make me lose my faith towards humanity though".

The value of money always beats kindness and sincerity, but I didn't know that it has come to that extent where we don't value the gift of people. What if the RM1 is all that Amir got at that time and he decided to give it all to the beggar instead so that he could spare some cash for food? Sincerity is someone's right for him to keep it all between himself and God, but we have failed to appreciate the rezeki that He has given us. A person could be short of that RM1 to buy milk for his child, and he had no other choice but to put it back at the rack at the exact same time he threw the RM1 to the ground.

"And which blessings of Him that you deny?",  as Allah repeatedly remind us in Surah Ar-Rahman.

As a giver, however, we should not stop giving. My teacher always remind me many times that there is someone else's rezeki is ours, hence we should not hesitate to give their rights. No matter whatever their intention is when they receive our gifts, but our intentions must be sincere, Lillahitaala at the first place, and hoping that God will replace it with more rezeki, in any form. A good health is rezeki, a supportive family is rezeki, a good circle of friends is rezeki, a loving partner is rezeki, good grades is rezeki, the ability for you to have a roof on your head and eat for the day is rezeki, the skills that you are gifted with is rezeki, the happiness that you feel is rezeki, the peace that you enjoy is also rezeki. Everything that happens around you and whatever you get is always, always a rezeki and blessings from God. You may be tested sometimes, but even with the tests comes with rezeki in forms of options and solutions to help you go through the problems that you may face.

"You know, I had restored my faith in humanity when I met you", Amir said during one of our conversations.

I hope that I am a form of rezeki and blessing to him too (I bully him a lot).

Xx,
M.

I always celebrate New Years' Eve quietly. I would just spend my day at home, do a quiet reflection of the whole year, write some wishes for my closed ones, and sleep in, knowing to wake up in the following year. New Years' Eve is a significant event for me, but I don't do grand celebrations or late night parties. In fact, I don't have a New Years' resolutions since forever because I know that I would not achieve my goals if I organize and write them down. I had a lot of 2018, which is the reason why I was not spirited to write long essays to every single person that I know. Yes, it is bad and unfair because I do receive some of them, I'm sorry, so I wrote an open letter to everyone instead. I won some and lost some, kept some and let go of some people, lost and found love, and a lot more. There is one concrete lesson from this year that I would definitely bring onto the following journey of my life; I don't need validation from anyone to do anything. It is more to enough to follow my instincts and know that it is right for me and will make me happy, and receive support from my closed ones, then I'm good to go.