I have always adored that place. The environment is comfortable and chill for an eat out and the prices of the food are relatively lower than other Western restaurant joints that I have been to such as Tony Roma's and TGI Fridays. My favourite pick will always be the Crispy Honey Chipotle Chicken Crispers. Frustrated to not find coleslaw as one of the sides on the menu, I substituted the corn on the cob with onion rings, hoping to make a healthier choice, but the onion rings came fatly battered. So much for a balanced meal, huh.
After the meal, we planned to drive up to Bukit Ampang. I remembered Bukit Ampang being one of the starter topics when we first talked to each other since I just came back from there when he first slided into my DMs. As we were on the drive, listening to Hollaback Girls from Gwen Stefani, Amir pointed out to the sky.
"Look, sayang. The moon is beautiful tonight"
I gave a faint smile while flashbacks coming back into my mind.
"As much as how you adore the sea, the moon knows that you like her too"
It must be beautiful and flattering for the moon to show up in her best dress specifically during my birthday night, but there is another side of the story that I don't want to remember.
"Whenever you miss me, look up to the moon. At least we are looking at the same one"
Sometimes, I hope that those memories would just fade into oblivion once I have found the missing piece, but it will always be there. It will still ache when I think about it when I really don't want to, especially on my birthday, beside the love of my life that has given me so much hope to live again after the main character in the memory scene left.
When we reached Bukit Ampang, we found a spot that is a bit distant from the stalls that were packed of people mesmerizing the view and having their intimate time with family and friends.
As I sat on the divider near the roadside, all of the feelings when I first came here gushed through my veins and ache my heart even more. I went up here with Tassia and Ayesha with our pyjamas, feeling miserable and frustrated although I successfully covered up with laughter and smile as we listened to Ayesha's tales of her life. I felt so sad that I don't think I can ever be happy anymore.
"It's 11.11!", Tassia exclaimed. "Make a wish guys!"
With a heavy heart, I wished to let everything go with an empty heart. I wish that I am granted strength to go back to square one and be a blank slate as I used to before I know all the pain. I wish to forgive, so that all of the pain will be lifted off me.
"I don't want to cry", I blurted out while staring at the KL Tower from above. Amir held me softly. "Birthday girls don't cry", he said.
I told him the whole story on why I felt so emotional that night. "A lot of things has changed since the first time I came up here", I said while avoiding eye contact for him to not notice my teary eye. "I was miserable. Tonight, the second time I come here, I am with the love of my life, everything that I have wished for"
"I am so afraid if things were to change on my third visit"
Amir didn't say a word but he just listened to me. He shared his experience with this hill, and clearly he had a fair share of it as well. I don't feel any better but it distracted my thoughts for a little while. We continued on that night being goofy with each other by listening to tracks from K-Pop to Billie Eilish and have our usual carpark conversations in Bukit when we reached home.
It has been a milestone for me from the past year, and that night summed it all up. I wish to open a new chapter, free and fresh with all of the blessings that I am granted with a peace of mind. Looking at the bright side, 18 did not kill me although it left me half alive. Hence, nothing will. Even if it will leave me a three quarter alive this time, it is a good mantra to keep on breathing.
Cheers for being nineteen, and more years to come with my loved ones!
Xx,
M.
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