Call Me Back, Please?

10 January 2017
9.43 p.m.

I always write past midnight but since nowadays my mother won't let me stay up more than twelve, so I guess I'll have to write my anecdotes early. True enough, the reason why my nights were lively were listening to your stories and hearing your laughter. All that is left are the dark sky and the stars that are shadowed by the blind curtains in my room. I better sleep that letting the flashbacks coming. Sometimes, the moon paid me a visit during night drives on the way home after a day out, chasing my car just to remind me of you. Look, the whole universe doesn't want me to forget you.

How have you been? I hope that you are always in good hands, or make sure that you are well taken care of. I hope that you are not sick, although you won't get sick for too long, and you would always laugh it off and tell me to not worry, but I still am, because you would always tell me.

                              "You, I forgot to tell you, I had fever earlier this week. 39'C"
                              "Oh my, does it exceed three days? Did you take your meds?"
                               
Or when you trip and fall during matches and receive bandages and stitches...

                               "You, I have been wearing a new pair of socks. Ankle-high"
                                   "Oh really? Are those the socks that players use?"
                                "No lah. I broke my leg"
                                     "You WHAT?!", and the conversation continues during our weekly public phone calls. That's why I hate football. It hurts you. I don't like anything that hurt you. But you always told me that sports has made you strong and endured everything.

I remembered one time when you were so happy to receive a call from me when you greeted me with a, "Hello, you!" across the line. Sometimes I called you at the wrong time, during a movie, during a football match, lagilah, you loved football more than everything in the world. You would answer my calls through it all, and said,

                                "Oh it's okay, you're not disturbing me at all. The movie's boring. I don't like watching movies at night."

                            "Don't be sorry, the match's nothing. I want to talk to you"

When you asked me why I call you out of the blue, I would answer,

                                     "Saja, nak cakap dengan you, tak boleh ke?"

It was difficult that time, it's either me standing in the cold night until morning at the public phone or you would have to dial any of my friend's phone number to call me. When I pass one of my friend's phone number, you would quickly hit them up at night at the same day to look for me.

                                    "What's up?"

                               "Saja nak cakap dengan you, tak boleh ke?"

Hey, you took my line!

It's funny to remember all these because we worked hard to stay connected to each other when we had nothing. Now, we had everything, our phones were at the tips of our fingers but I couldn't dare myself to press '1' a little longer and let it ring yours. I was brave to say that I miss you all the time before we end our calls but now I can't even type 'Hello' to you. I braced myself to walk around with a plastered smile and blushed cheeks but every night, I am frail and fragile in my own pyjamas, in hopes that you are the other side, braver than me to dial my number and tell me everything is okay and laugh as soon as I pick up.

                                    "You?"
                                    "Yes?"
                                  "I miss you"

I used to say it for fun, but now I really mean it. I miss you too much tonight.

Call me back, please?

Xx,
M.