Dreams

Dreams, Dreams
Oh, when we are just starting things
Dreams, dreams
Of me and you

I can't remember of the title but I am sure that Lily Allen sang this, and I'm praying that the lyrics are right because the verse struck my head while I am writing this.

Dreams are subjective. Some of us regard us as a night's play and it will be gone as soon as we wake up from our long slumber. Some of us define dreams as our missions and ambitions. I believe in both, because I believe that some of my dreams are more than a night's play. Some of them are repetitive and occur in sagas, and I will search for the meaning of my dreams from different cultural perspectives to capture the message. Ask my friends, they will know how dramatic and surreal my dreams are. Sometimes, I could feel the person's fingertips when tapping me in my dream even after I wake up.

Now, enough of my midnight dreams. Let's move on to the second context of dreams- goals, missions, and ambitions.

My dream is simple. I only dream to settle down in a comfortable state while doing things that I love most- writing and reporting on camera. Oh, not to mention about having a house in a harbour city/ near the beach. The feeling when you look straight at the deep blue sea as you wake up- bliss. My dream seem to be mediocre but you do know how settling down and being comfortable is hard nowadays. Alhamdulillah, I always have a way to get what I want and sometimes I don't know how, but I am lucky. Nonetheless, I do get a fair share of not getting some of my wants, but God always provides me with everything that I need. The people around me is so supportive of my dreams although sometimes it is not the same as their hopes for me, but some of them will always put me first and hope for the best.

Someone told me to not only dream for me, but for other people as well. We need to do things that will benefit not only us but the society as a whole. It aligns with God's purpose of sending us into this world as a khalifah. I understand that, but sometimes I feel that he is using it against me. He uses it to belittle my dream and pushes me to make his dreams come true by asking me to help him in his work. I never mind helping him because I remember the people in my life and their contributions, but I really hate it when I feel some type of way.....the feeling of being used? I don't know.

There are so many questions in my mind regarding this, like, is it wrong if our dreams contradict with each other? I understand his intentions to only provide the best for me and my future, but it goes to the extent that he starts to blame me if something goes wrong, the reason why his dreams are crushed. I can't have a sentimental value in the work that I do because the ideas are all his and my heart isn't there. Instead, my heart is here, writing a blog post for a bunch of friends to read and maybe share the same opinion as mine. I am not in my comfort zone, but this is what I do best. Flowing all my thoughts on an empty, white computer screen.

I felt so lightweight after pouring all my thoughts out. I may not able to get the answer forever but this blog has always been my space and serenity. Thank you for being here too, listening to all my rants and thoughts since forever. Thank you for your support towards this drama queen.

Whatever it is, please don't give up on your dreams. Promise me that, okay?

Xx,
M.