To My First Crush

How should I start?

'Dear' would be unpleasant

'To' would be too formal

Putting love after your name would make this paper burn because my boyfriend would notice it and throw it into ashes

Let me take a deep breathe.

Hi.

I haven't seen you walking at the night market

Sushi searching at AEON

Eating the main dish;whatever they serve at the canteen

Your smirk when I arrive late for prep class

Your gaze,especially with that blue school uniform

Maybe it's because that we don't live in the same area

Enrolled at different schools

Part after elementary graduation,I didn't attend the last day,I was too lazy to get off bed,but I showed up during the annual ceremony

I missed every significant event, skipped every meaningful occasion, but I would never forget

You.

I am still everything that you define me

Meticulous,weird,jolly,mischievious,frightening because I threw your eraser from the top floor during 5th grade

I never wanted to do that

How could I throw away my affection and erase your distractions

When I wanted to do was to draw my smile on your mind

We don't play with each other

You are from Mars and I am from Venus

My friends would force you to be my knight in shining armor when I played the damsil in distress

They would pull you away from me as I tried reaching for your hand

"No!She's my fiancée!" you screamt with your trembled lips

Then our worlds collide.

I am still your fiancée,if you ask

We just won't walk on the same aisle 

Years of our elementary school were spent mostly together

We were in the same circle of friends

Same class since the first hello until the last goodbye

Boys teased me to be their future bride

I can't still get rid of your well-combed hair

Your red face when you blush,or sunburnt

I still wait for you every single day after school,to walk together

'As mutual friends',to share rants with each other

Somehow I wonder

Why don't you notice that I never had any other?

When we part,I still ask news about you

They said you became more quiet

Isolated,maintaining the distance

On a second thought,maybe if I was there with you

You could talk more and we could take it serious

I am a fool.

I could never be the apple of your eye

The shore to your sea

The branch to your maple tree

Even if I list thousands of analogies here,

I won't still be the one.

We haven't met for 3 years now

After 30 years,if you ever appear,crying at daughter's wedding

I will stop stuffing my cheeks with fondue

Pull my hand from my guest's hands

I will comfort you at the corner of the hall,let you lend my shoulder

You are always welcome

Love is not a mistake,so do you

You'll always have a place in my heart

I hope I do too.